Welcome to total failure, population = you(s)
Friday, January 30, 2009
Babies Can Glorify God Too
I imagine that God feels much the same way about watching us (on good days), as we feel watching this.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Space shuttle remodel
Here is a comparison of the old space shuttle vs. the awesome new redesigned cockpit on SpaceShipOne.
NASA Can Make Hell Freeze Over!
NASA's new Common Extensible Cryogenic Engine for the lunar lander gets icicles on its rim while burning at 5,000 degrees Fahrenheit. (Video)
Mildly Illegal, But Extremely Entertaining
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Who would have ever known that hacking roadsigns was both fun and easy. The only problem is that when the zombie apocalypse actually DOES happen, no one will believe it.
Terrorists Stock Up With Insecticide
With funding from DARPA, researchers at the University of California, Berkeley have managed to control a rhinoceros beetle via radio signals. Six electrodes affixed to the brain and muscles have allowed scientists to hijack its free will. Attach some frickin laser beams to their heads and they will be unstoppable! I for one welcome our new zombie, cyborg, beetle, overlords.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Che Guevara's Useful Idiots
So apparently, there is a new Che Guevara movie coming out staring Benicio del Toro. He recently sat down for a interview about the movie and had only nice things to say about Che, that is until he stormed out of the room after a couple of tough questions about Che's history of violence. It should come as no surprise to anyone that the new movie highlights the softer, more thoughtful side of the left's favorite revolutionary hero. I disagree with this character assessment; but then again I'm not a snotty Hollywood insider, so I guess I'll never truly understand Che's meaningful contribution to world society. I mean honestly, why don't they just get on with it and make a movie about the Russian revolution..... glorifying Stalin?
To his credit, Che was an aspiring writer. In one passage of his journal he described his lust for war, saying he savored "the acrid smell of gunpowder and blood of the enemy's death." Other passages in his diaries included racist sentiments. For example, when describing the differences in the strife between "Europeans" and "the black," the supposedly progressive-minded Che wrote, "the black is indolent and fanciful, he spends his money on frivolity and drink; the European comes from a tradition of working and saving which follows him to this corner of America and drives him to get ahead. How this guy is a hero to the anti-war left is a total mystery.
The truth about Che is that not only is he a farcical tough guy and a murderous communist, but he wasn't even a successful revolutionary. At one point in his pathetic legacy, he even managed to drop his own gun and shoot himself in the face. However, he was good at killing people (especially those who's ideals were not in complete alignment with Stalin, much less Marx or Lenin.) Which is why Castro picked him to be his henchmen. Hundreds were reportedly executed on Che's watch, and that doesn't include the deaths incurred in the wars he was constantly trying to start. He was eventually stopped while attempting to instigate a conflict in Bolivia. He had been so accustomed to executing unarmed civilians in Cuba, that when he finally got into a real gun fight with a couple of trained Bolivian soldiers.....they turned him into hamburger meat. (God bless Bolivia!)
There is a silver lining to all this Che propaganda going around. That is to say, this communist revolutionary who dedicated his entire life to fighting capitalism has now become nothing more than a piece of merchandise. His name and likeness have become a quintessential capitalist brand, marketed for an ungodly profit. As Morpheous once said, "Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony." So let this be a lesson to all you sissy, college liberals out there: In the end, capitalism always wins.
So to bring my rant back to the beginning, we all lose when Hollyweird pinheads open their mouths about politics. I mean del Toro is an amazing actor (one of my favorites). But now every time I see him in a movie I'll have to wonder; is he a true communist or just a "useful idiot."
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Obamatization
This website allows you to Obamatize any picture. If you copy my Dwight idea, I'll hunt you down like a werewolf. I know I'll catch you since I'm faster then 80% of all snakes.
NOAA:"Climate Change is Irreversible"
So a new scientific study led by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration reaches a powerful conclusion about the climate change: to a large extent, there’s no going back. So they're basically saying that humans don't have the ability to change our climate. What a crazy conclusion!
Wii Check-Up Channel
Wii "Check-Up" channel acts as a health guidance system between you and health professionals. The service appears to be compatible with both Wii Fit and its Balance Board.It also appears to be usable anonymously. (You know, so health insurance companies can't discriminate against you because you suck at "Wii Ski") Users should also be warned NOT to let Dr. Mario check your prostate....apparently he never actually went to medical school.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Obama Stimulus Package = $825 Billion (At Least)
I'm not gonna waste my time explaining my position on this issue. Instead, I'll give you a couple of interesting facts about the difference between one million and one trillion.
A million seconds is 13 days.
A trillion seconds is 31,688 years.
If you piled up one million dollars worth of crisp, new $1000 bills, the pile would be 4 in. high.
One trillion dollars worth of $1000 bills (stacked flat) would be about about 63 MILES high.
When you think about how much a trillion dollars really is, you get a sense of how easy it would be for politicians to redirect on a couple million dollars here or there. I mean, when you have have a 63 mile high pile of money, who's gonna miss 4 inches?
1,474 Megapixel Inauguration Photo
Snipers on the roof? (click for zoom-able picture)
(Hint: Zoom in on the right-side of the roof on the far building in the center of the picture.)
Friday, January 23, 2009
Hymenomics
By now you have probably heard about Natalie Dylan's attempt to take advantage of the law of diminishing returns and sell her virginity(a depreciating ASSet) to the highest bidder. I recently listened to an interview in which she made a couple of interesting comments such as: "....esteeming virginity means that dads are basically their daughters’ pimps", and "that idealized virginity is just a tool to keep women in their place."She goes on to say "I no longer view the selling of sex as wrong or immoral—my time at college showed me that I had too blindly accepted such arbitrary norms." Yikes, If that's not a reason to fear college indoctrination then I don't know what is.
I have mixed emotions about this story. On one hand I hate her (or at least what she stands for). On the other hand, my heart breaks for someone who has had her morals diluted in such a drastic way. So here is my idea, have some mega church pool funds and outbid ever sick bastard out there(effectively buying the rights to her virginity.) Then to teach her a lesson they "hold her virginity hostage" and force her to be celibate for many, many, many, many years. We can ensure the celibacy with the same doctor she has been using to ensure her virginity. If she breaches the contract then she would have to give the money back. It would kinda be like a corporate sponsorship, "Dylan's virginity is brought to you by Saddleback Church."
I DON'T Want One!
I believe that I would rather have my still beating heart carved out of my chest with a spoon; then be forced to wear this idiotic, hand-sweat collecting, un-godly piece of trash. I have included the purchase link. (Hey, who am I to judge.)
Freed By The US, Welcomed By Al Qaeda
We learn this a day after Obama signs an executive order that supposedly closes Guantánamo - 1 year from now, following some plan that he either hasn't figured out yet or won't tell us (you know because the Obama admin. is all about transparency.) I mean, even without these stories of detainees returning to terror, I still don't understand how closing Gitmo is supposed to be the "right thing to do." I guess that Obama is counting on us being safer on the account of other European countries liking us better. I find it ironic that the counties that are acting all pissy about Guantánamo Bay, are the same countries that refuse to take them in as prisoners. I have an idea, maybe they can be let go on a work-release program located in, say, the Hyde Park neighborhood on Chicago's south side. Hey, they might even become exemplary role models, and maybe even get some grant money to fund some new programs.
Miracles Happen Every Day
The is a nifty little compilation of what some call "chance" and others call "miracles".
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Biden Takes Shot at Justice Roberts (Good Idea!)
The funniest part of this clip is Obama's reaction. It looks like he's cursing Biden under his breath then he seams to tap him on that back as if to say, "Shut-up you idiot!"
Here's a nice little compilation of the "Human Gaffe Machine" at work. Keep talking Joe!
Here's a nice little compilation of the "Human Gaffe Machine" at work. Keep talking Joe!
Ninja Tacks Organize Your Paperwork....Silently
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Awesome Ninja Star Thumb Tacks (Click to buy)
I must take this opportunity to direct you to the most extensive ninja information resource.
I Want A Man Like Putin
Putin Ownes Tiger and Saves TV Crew (Full Story)
This guy has been a very entertaining "1 Upper". I mean he just couldn't sit back and be upstaged by that little Alaskan Governor (Alaska, probably on his list of territories to reclaim.) I mean everybody who has seen Animal Plant knows that a tranquiliser dart takes like 10 mins to take effect. So either the tiger was like 3 miles away when he started charging them, and then fell asleep on the way over OR Putin loads his tranquiliser darts with the same chemical they pumped into that Moscow theater. I'm convinced that the intentions of all these PR stunts are less about proving to the Russian people that, "Putin eez a beeg strong man, heez not homosexual at all"; and more about, "We know that you know this is all completely ridiculous, but play along or we will poison you and your family radioactive style." Here are just a couple more hilariously transparent PR Stunts:
2) The "Number One" smash hit on the Russian pop charts - "I Want A Man Like Putin" (lyrics)
Frenchman Loses Battle to Poodle! (This Is News?)
The Dog Whisperer always used to say that biting is a response to incoherent authority, so we can't really blame this "Freedom Dog" for attacking. I mean wouldn't you be "clinical depressed" if you had Jacques Chirac dragging you around on a leash. If Sumo was really smart he would have attacked last week to ensure a presidential pardon. Of course we all know the whole "clinically depressed" thing is just a cover story orchestrated by CIA's canine unit.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
How Fast Are You?
The average human reaction time is .23 sec or 230 milliseconds. I averaged my scores among the following three tests and have come to the conclusion that I have a super power not unlike that really fast chick on Heroes. Here are my average scores for each test.
(average)
.235 sec - Red Light, Green Light
.204 sec - Red Box, Green Box
.241 sec - Red Dot, Yellow Dot
.163 sec - Physical Ruler Drop (involves math)
.225 sec - Sound Reaction Time
------------
1.06 / 5 = .21 sec > .23 sec (which means I'm at least as fast then Hero)
The Carters Diss the Clintons
Apparently they don't like each other, and I'd have to say (surprisingly) that I completely agree with both of them.
Obama vs Bush (Same Lyrics)
"It's like, cheese is delicious on Italian food, but when you melt it on Chinese food, it's disgusting"
Obama's Inaugural Address (Translated)
Obama:
"I believe in hope, and thus I hope for a future filled with hope. I believe in the future because the future is ahead of us, and the past has come before us....and the future is yet to come. I believe that we U.S. Americans want change and I will change things and not leave us unchanged. I believe the future is not now and not in the past, because the past is history. I want you to believe me when I say that I believe in everything you believe in.... regardless of whether you are Christian, Jew, Muslim, Hindu or atheist. In closing I would like to leave you with a quote from George Washington after he won the battle of Gettysburg ...... "We all sing with the same voice, the same song, the same voice, we all sing with the same voice and we sing (long pause) in harmony. Thank you and God bless America"
Product Of The D.C. School District
There's also the possibility that this kid knows exactly what he's talking about. (which would make him a product of the Detroit school district.)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Ice Sculpture of a Shivering Al Gore
A Life-Like, Frozen Expression (Full Story)
Normally, I would make some kind of joke linking the melting of this sculpture to global warming...but it would be too easy.
Bush Mocked On His Way Out
Inappropriate, yet inevitable. I could have written this story months ago. I bet 80% of those jeerers are seeing Joe Biden for the first time today; saying to themselves, "Who the hell is that white guy?" To quote A famous San Diego new anchorman, "You stay classy".... .....Washington DC democrats.
"White Will Embrace What Is Right"
So I am sitting here watching the inauguration with an open mind and giving Obama the benefit of the doubt...and I actually started to feel very proud that an African American was finally elected president. The happy feelings soon subsided when I was reminded of the fact that I'll never be forgiven for being born white. Good Lord, what more do we (Honkies) have to do?
Obama's New Ride (What....No Prius?)
Specifications Include:
1) 5in thick windows
2) Sealed passenger compartment to protect against biological and nuclear contamination.
3) Tires can run flat @ 100mph.
4) The ability to take a direct RPG attack with only limited damage.
The Secret Service nixed Obama's request to upgrade to the "Ludicris Edition", so I guess they decided the spinners would be a hazard.
Another Reason To Fear The Cult of Apple
Iphone's New "Killer App"(Full Story)
Future version will hopefully support the use of the Iphone camera to upload pictures of your most recent headshots to your Flickr account. Also, they should include the ability to listen to music at the same time, so you can listen to "It's a Wonderful World" while taking out a gang of Hajis.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Plague Kills 40 al-Qaeda Terrorists (Bring Out Your Dead!)
and God said, "Let my people go!"(full story)
Seriously though, I'm not so sure this is a good thing. I mean now an attack only takes a simple walk through a crowded airplane terminal..... or inauguration crowd. I do find it somewhat ironic that a disease from the middle ages is wiping out people whose minds are stuck there.
Flight Simulation of US Airways Hudson Waterlanding
This is a cool re-creation of how the pilot maneuvered the plane into/onto the Hudson river. Coincidentally, the Hudson river was also used to guide the flight path that the 9/11 Hijackers used to crash American Airlines Flight 11 into the North Tower. Two totally different outcomes.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Scam Baiting
Scam baiting or "419 Eating" is the practice of pretending to have interest in a fraudulent scheme in order to manipulate another con-artist.
Very Funny ScamBait (I haven't read all 40 pages, but the first page is sufficient to get the picture)
Human/Robot Interaction
I, Robot was recently on TV and my co-workers and I argued over several aspects of the film's treatment of human/robot interaction. After researching I found some very interesting articles on the subject, they are worth reading if you have time.
The Three Laws ( The zeroth law wasn't mention in the movie, but was the reasoning behind the robot's imprisonment of humans)
The Singularity is Near (Check out the "Predictions" section)
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Poop Machine / Art
It's Wim Delvoye's "Cloaca No. 5," a "'machine/sculpture' that recreates the phases of human digestion, from chewing to defecation". You can buy the freeze-dried fake poop in the gift shop at Université du Québec à Montréal art gallery.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Was Jesus A Magician?
Responding to a reader who asks her to consider the possibility that The Bible is true, Camille Paglia responds; "The New Testament was purposefully written as a point-by-point response to the Old Testament to prove that Jesus was indeed the Messiah whose arrival had been forecast for centuries." and also added "He (Jesus) was a performing artist with startling improvisational gifts. Whether or not he himself thought he was the Messiah is unclear." (Read Full Response Here).
I have only a couple of responses for Ms. Paglia:
1) I have never seen or heard Daivid Blaine or Criss Angel raise someone from the dead. So I'm not sure I would classify that under "performing artist w/ improvisational gifts". Also, had he just been a magician how would he keep his "bag of tricks", from his disciples. As we all know street performers require people to be "in on it" in order for the trick to be believable. If they were "in on it" (since they were routinely and actively involved in Jesus' miracles), why would they also give there life for something they knew was just an act?
2) I always find it intriguing when agnostics/atheists think they are throwing us Christians a bone by meagerly admitting that Jesus probably existed, while the possibility that Jesus did not exist is not seriously entertained by too many historians who made it past their sophomore year of college. Also, if you can admit that Jesus existed and accept the general circumstances of his death, then I would say it fair to say he did indeed believed himself to be the Messiah.
Frigid Air Is Good For At Least One Thing
I just did this experiment for the first time today with really hot coffee and it worked. If you are really bored, check out the science behind it.
Nancy Pelosi Rick Rolling the USA
I will have to say that getting Rick Rolled is the least of your problems if you actually sat through 37 seconds of watching Nancy Pelosi's cats. Of course the only funny thing about this story is that Pelosi probably just learned about Rick Rolling last week on wikipedia. Leave it to Congress to be 6 months late on pretty much everything.
Nancy Pelosi's Rick Roll (story)
Jackie Chan and Will Smith's son = Karate Kid Remake
Reason the movie SHOULD be made:
1) It's nice to see young, disadvantaged youths like Will Smith's son being given opportunities to better their lives.
Reason the movie SHOULD NOT be made:
1) Casting a Chinese man in a Japanese role is racist......oh wait I forgot all Asians are interchangeable.
Funny "Mall Cop" Clips
It's nice to see a comedy that is actually PG rated. (And hopefully still funny)
Ultimate Transformer Apartment
And think, he can save even more space when he realizes that media comes in digital format.
Russian Polar Nuclear Lighthouses
Great idea for the following reasons:
1) For use as an evil lair (no need for a hollowed out volcano)
2) Very Practical, just empty the nuclear waste directly into the water.
3) No need for light bulbs, just leave the reactor completely exposed.
Taiyo's voice controlled RC helicopter
At launch, the Voice-Heli will respond to commands such as "start engine," "up," "hold," "down," and "stop." Here's hoping that it'll recognize, "stop slamming into the ceiling and spinning out of control!" in future versions. Also I'm hoping it respond intuitively to "ATTACK!"
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Interesting Article On Gay Marriage
This article sums up my thoughts on legalising gay marriage. Basically it is not possible to make and argument (based on individual/equal rights) for gay marriage, that cannot be equally applied to polygamy....and we should avoid the slippery slope altogether.
Also there are some decent arguments both for and against in the comments section of this response.
Bin Laden urges jihad against Isreal
Hasn't there always been a jihad against Israel since like......I don't know Isaac and Ishmael. Jeez, you know that Islamic militants are getting complacent when they have to be reminded that they should hate Israel.
Surprisingly refreshing jihad proclamation.
Surprisingly refreshing jihad proclamation.
Slumdog Millionaire
I just finished watching this movie (for Free) on watch-movies.net and have to admit that it was as good as was hyped. The only other Indian film that was worth watching in it entirety is this one.
Upright Citizens Brigade
I only vaguely remember this show (Upright Citizens Brigade) on comedy central a bunch of years ago, but I specifically remember this skit.
Ass Pennies (Warning: they say A-S-S alot, so if that offends you then don't click)
Comet Lulin moving closer to Earth
This will be cool to see (if we can get one clear night sky.....which probably won't happen)
More Evidence For Life On Mars (maybe)
Somehow I have a hard time believing Methane can only come from volcanoes or life...but then again I'm not a scientist who relies on catchy headlines in order to justify my government job.
The Low Down On Oil Leases
This fact makes oil companies (aka Big Oil) evil :
An Associated Press computer analysis of Bureau of Land Management records found that 80 percent of federal lands leased for oil and gas production in Wyoming are producing no oil or gas.
Oprah Obssessed with Kate Winslet's Breasts
I love going on national talk shows and having my private parts obessed over.
Very Interesting Autistic Savant
I saw this guy in a interview on some Canadian late night show and thought he was very interesting. He's alot different then most savants in that he has synesthesia and can articulate how he does what he does. I also saw a show on the discovery channel called "The Real Superhumans" and featured people like Tammet.
Daniel Tammet:
1) Interview
2) Wikipedia
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